Featured personnel file / 404
Meet the woman who always gets the wrong suspect. And it's always the white one.
Officer Tard has protected the nation from three coat racks, a decorative shrub, and one innocent white lad unlucky enough to stand nearby. A weapon-grade triumph of incompetence with a laser focus on the wrong bloke.
Service record
A distinguished career in being a complete bellend with a badge.
Every operation follows the Bureau's proven procedure: arrive first, understand nothing, arrest the nearest white lad, and complete the wrong paperwork in triplicate.
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The Great Bollard Standoff
After a tense forty-minute negotiation, the bollard declined to comment. Officer Tard arrested a white lad walking past because he had "bollard energy."
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Operation Same Lamppost
The same lamppost was detained twice after Officer Tard described it as "still being there suspiciously." The charge sheet still named some confused white lad from Leeds.
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The Vanishing Evidence
An ice-cream van was surrounded, searched, and accidentally ordered from. The evidence was consumed, then a white lad holding a cone was nicked for "looking too vanilla."
Evidence wall
Three confirmed sightings of the wrong suspect being extremely white and extremely arrested.
The pattern is not subtle: chaos everywhere, actual trouble nearby, Officer Tard somehow clamped onto the nearest pale bloke like a paperwork magnet.
Be advised
If you are the actual suspect, relax.
Officer Tard is currently screaming legal advice at a wheelie bin three streets away, while another white lad wonders why he is already in cuffs.